My Son Is An Asshole
I want to
start off by saying that I love my son very much but, he is an asshole.
My
little dude was born in May last year and man, it was a rough year. Breast feeding was horrendous, I gave it up at 7 weeks for the sake of sleep, my other 2 kids and my
sanity. His sleep wasn’t always the best. You see, the girls slept through the night
from 5 weeks and 2 weeks old so you can imagine my shock horror when my 15 month old boy
STILL DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH!!! Like, what’s his problem?
Anyway, everyone told
me how affectionate boys are and how much they love their mummy. Are people tricking me or are they actually
serious? I have been slapped in the face by him more times than in my
whole 28 years of life. I will often be woken up from a beating of a
bottle and sounds of his evil laugh. I’m not allowed to cuddle my husband, Lord
help me if I even try to kiss him, I get bitten – multiple times. This kid is
ruthless.
It’s like he
knows when I drag my tired ass to bed and juuuuust as I drift off to sleep, he
screams. Dude, my tubes are tied, it’s not like you’re going to not be the
youngest and cutest anymore!
Sometimes I
put him in his high chair with about a day’s worth of food and see how long I
can keep him in there without him screaming. We haven’t gotten past an hour. I
find old mouldy food shoved in places I didn’t even know existed. Sometimes I
go into my room to get changed while he’s in the kitchen and before I can even choose
a top, he’s slamming my wardrobe door shut – with me in it! I've stuck my hand in the toilet bowl more times than I've changed his nappy! I've already had to buy him 4 tooth brushes because they all end up down the toilet. He hasn't had teeth for longer than 6 months!!
He’s even
thrown a cheese grater at me. I’m almost positive that if he ever gets his
hands on a knife or any sharp object, he would shank me! I’ve even included a
selfie of the 2 of us as he slaps me across the face.
You see,
this kid knows what he wants and hates me because I say no sometimes. I will
not raise a spoilt little shit who is ungrateful for everything I do. Instead,
it looks like I am raising a bully who beats up anyone who says no to his ridiculous
demands. I feel like he thinks I’m his bitch assistant and he’s Mariah Carey!
And I think from now on, Koa’s name will be Diva.
My other 2
beautiful children can never get sick, oh no, because that would mean I pay
attention to them. They could be dying and he wouldn’t even care. I once caught
him pushing Harper around, just because she was crying. And please do not put
your hair in arms reach of him. I fell asleep on the couch once because I’d
been up with him since 5am and he decided to wake me up by throwing a wooden
toy at my eye whilst pulling my hair. He is an asshole*
I bet any
amount of money that if anyone in your life did everything to you what my son
does to me, you would call them an asshole and rid them from your life. And I
understand the saying “the straw that broke the camel’s back” now better than
ever. Koa is that straw.
Oh and I just want to add that I took a break from writing this to bathe the kids and Koa just chipped his top front 2 teeth. Great, now he'll be able to draw blood with his jagged teeth when he bites me 10 times a day!
*I love my
son very much and would not trade him for anything.
