.my son is an asshole.

My Son Is An Asshole

I want to start off by saying that I love my son very much but, he is an asshole.

 My little dude was born in May last year and man, it was a rough year. Breast feeding was horrendous, I gave it up at 7 weeks for the sake of sleep, my other 2 kids and my sanity. His sleep wasn’t always the best. You see, the girls slept through the night from 5 weeks and 2 weeks old so you can imagine my shock horror when my 15 month old boy STILL DOES NOT SLEEP THROUGH!!! Like, what’s his problem? 

Anyway, everyone told me how affectionate boys are and how much they love their mummy.  Are people tricking me or are they actually serious? I have been slapped in the face by him more times than in my whole 28 years of life. I will often be woken up from a beating of a bottle and sounds of his evil laugh. I’m not allowed to cuddle my husband, Lord help me if I even try to kiss him, I get bitten – multiple times. This kid is ruthless.

It’s like he knows when I drag my tired ass to bed and juuuuust as I drift off to sleep, he screams. Dude, my tubes are tied, it’s not like you’re going to not be the youngest and cutest anymore!

Sometimes I put him in his high chair with about a day’s worth of food and see how long I can keep him in there without him screaming. We haven’t gotten past an hour. I find old mouldy food shoved in places I didn’t even know existed. Sometimes I go into my room to get changed while he’s in the kitchen and before I can even choose a top, he’s slamming my wardrobe door shut – with me in it! I've stuck my hand in the toilet bowl more times than I've changed his nappy! I've already had to buy him 4 tooth brushes because they all end up down the toilet. He hasn't had teeth for longer than 6 months!!

He’s even thrown a cheese grater at me. I’m almost positive that if he ever gets his hands on a knife or any sharp object, he would shank me! I’ve even included a selfie of the 2 of us as he slaps me across the face.

You see, this kid knows what he wants and hates me because I say no sometimes. I will not raise a spoilt little shit who is ungrateful for everything I do. Instead, it looks like I am raising a bully who beats up anyone who says no to his ridiculous demands. I feel like he thinks I’m his bitch assistant and he’s Mariah Carey! And I think from now on, Koa’s name will be Diva.

My other 2 beautiful children can never get sick, oh no, because that would mean I pay attention to them. They could be dying and he wouldn’t even care. I once caught him pushing Harper around, just because she was crying. And please do not put your hair in arms reach of him. I fell asleep on the couch once because I’d been up with him since 5am and he decided to wake me up by throwing a wooden toy at my eye whilst pulling my hair. He is an asshole*

I bet any amount of money that if anyone in your life did everything to you what my son does to me, you would call them an asshole and rid them from your life. And I understand the saying “the straw that broke the camel’s back” now better than ever. Koa is that straw.

Oh and I just want to add that I took a break from writing this to bathe the kids and Koa just chipped his top front 2 teeth. Great, now he'll be able to draw blood with his jagged teeth when he bites me 10 times a day!

*I love my son very much and would not trade him for anything.

.There is no harder than hard.

This post stems from something I watched during the week about how hard it was for a lesbian to come out of the closet. I can't imagine how hard that was for her, I've never done it. She also can't imagine how hard it is for me to handle 3 children full time, because she's never done it.

Let me put it this way: There is no such thing as harder; there is just hard. Her words. I won't take credit for them but I will repeat them.

If and when you're lucky enough to become a mum, you get to meet a bunch of other mums who you probably have nothing in common with, apart from your horror stories of episiotomies (Men should google image that word). There are some really cool down to earth Mum's out there, with whom I am friends with :) Then you have the one-upers. Their stories will ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN YOURS!! Their lives will always be harder than yours and more importantly, their babies are better than yours. Well to that I say bullshit. I unknowingly was one of those Mum's because I just wanted to share my story and I probably wanted sympathy at the time. But the thing is, we're all in the same boat! No one knows my circumstances, doesn't know my life and has not walked a mile in my shoes. But I haven't walked a mile in their shoes either. There is no harder; there is just hard.

Your life is not harder than anyone elses just because you moved out of home at a young age. Or because you're a single Mum to 7 kids. Yes, both of those things are hard but neither is "harder" than the other, it's all relative. If you've had the worst day but a friend calls you up and needs to vent about their day, let them. Don't try and make it about you. Help them, listen to them and be there for them.

Since having my third (and final) baby, I get called super mum or brave for having 3 kids, 4 and under, at home full time with me. "It must be hard" is a statement I often hear. But it's no harder than a single person trying to pay their bills every week or trying to get by week to week. It is hard sometimes, and I do like to have a quick bitch about my hard times occasionally but ya know what? I don't want anyone's pity, I just need to vent.

I guess it just annoys me when people play the victim. I am ashamed to say that I used to. I wanted people's pity but the older I get, the more the pity and that victim mentality annoys me. You have the choice to be positive and I know it's in there, you just have to dig deep to find it. Life is hard sometimes and you can cry about it forever or you can learn from mistakes you may have made, have a quick bitch and move on.

I choose moving on!

And remember: There is no such thing as harder, there is just hard!

Peace x
Harly, Harper, Koa & me

.life with 3.

If any of you reading this are planning on starting a family, I strongly suggest that you take my advice. If you are a woman who likes to look after yourself, get your hair done, go get your nails done or even take a shit by yourself, may I please suggest that you have 2 children maximum :)

I love each and every one of my children but there are times that I go a day and half without showering. I'm constantly busting for the toilet and I usually either eat lunch at 4pm or don't have it at all. But you know what? I wouldn't change anything. I'm happy I had 3 kids, from a young age I always thought I would have 3 children. I just think I have to have a good mind set, chill out a bit, let the kids rummage through the tupperware cupboard for fun and just be prepared to always be covered in wee, poo or spew (or all of the above).

We had a bit of a rough patch with our little Koa bear. He's 3 months now and finally in a routine. He had to just fit in to our already hectic life. Poor thing, would often be crying in his swing, I'd occasionally call out "I'll be there in a second Koa bear" but by the time I had fixed the girls breakfast, got them dressed and sculled my coffee, he would be asleep. I wasn't sure which method I would use putting him to sleep as I had used 2 completely different ones with my girls. Looks like it was the controlled crying method by default.

And then there's Harlyn with (I'm not exaggerating) a million questions a day! "Mummy, why do you brush your hair?" "Mummy, why are you on the toilet?" and my favourite "Mummy, why are you always in the kitchen" because it's clearly my favourite place in the house and if I could, I would sleep here. Now shut up and eat the food you asked me to make. Oh you want something else now? Then I say a little prayer "God, please help me from punching harly in the boob"
Then there are the moments that she comes up and starts brushing my hair saying "You're so beautiful mummy, I love you." And I forget about all the times she yells at me.

Even though my kids give me the shits, they're MY children whom I created (with a little help from Brett). They make my life so fun and interesting and I could not imagine living without them or Brett. But if you are thinking of having a third, make sure you have family around, have one or more in preschool or school and stock your cupboard full of wine. Maybe take up boxing as well. Most friends call me "Supermum" or call me "Brave" thank you all for the compliments but I call it insane :) In no way do I think that I am the perfect Mum but I am the prefect Mum for Harlyn, Harper and Koa. They are my kids for a reason and I will do everything I can to love and protect them. 

Harly, Harper, Koa & me xx

.pink, pink, blue.

Well, It's a been a whole year since I have written anything. Mainly because there's really not that much to tell. oh wait. I had another baby! A boy! Hooray for a penis.
But my goodness, I will not be having any more children. Ever! 

I actually handled the contractions like a boss, often laughing and making jokes with Brett and the midwife in between. I was so comfortable but they kept telling me to change positions. Get down on all fours, stand up, lean forward. Shut up! I just wanted to lean back, sit in my chair, suck down that wonderful gas and kick my husband during every contraction. This seriously got me through. With them coming every 2 minutes though, I was exhausted and asked for an epidural.

Now, I have had 2 children already and the births were quite calm due to the epidural. The anesthesiologist came and put that glorious, glorious needle in my back. Contraction after contraction, the needle was still in my back and he kept fiddling around. Needle came out. Boo!! Needle goes back in, comes out, goes back in and comes out again. Fourth time lucky? yeah? No. I just started crying. This baby was coming out and coming out fast. 

With no epidural like I had planned, I had to push. Let's just say that I can not believe that women have more babies after giving birth without an epidural. If you haven't had kids, imagine the most excruciating pain you could ever feel and times it by infinity. And that 's what birthing a human feels like. I even bit Brett. 

I felt a massive relief when his (didn't feel) tiny head came out. That was the easy part. What I didn't notice was the cord was actually wrapped around his neck and the doctor was struggling to get it off. What I should also mention is that his heart rate was dropping with every contraction. They were starting to worry a bit and I may have needed to go for a c-section. I started yelling at the midwives to literally pull him out of me. There was no way I could push anymore. I had absolutely no energy. Everyone had stern words to me and told me to shut up and push. Finally, he came out. No cry. They put his limp little body on me and Brett cut the cord. I felt like I was in shock a little bit because I just didn't know what I was doing. He had a heartbeat but hadn't taken his first little breath because he was also in shock. It felt a lot longer but a minute later and teeny tiny cry was heard.

I love photos but the photos of me just minutes after giving birth should be burned. Brett and Koa look great. You know those women who look amazing and are so full of life just after giving birth? I am not one of those women. I look like a bus, train and car all hit me consecutively after not sleeping for a year.

Little Koa Lennox (batman) Haddad was born May 13 2013 weighing 3.5 kilos. He is a little champ and totally completes our family. I tell you what though, if this experience was my first, Harly would have been an only child. Brett will be getting a vasectomy, I will be getting my tubes tied and I think I'll also go on contraception. Just in case....


But good luck if you're pregnant :-/

Harly, Harper, Koa & me

.in sickness and in health.

On your wedding day you usually say a well known sentence - "in sickness and in health". We all know what it means and saying it out loud really affirms that if your partner were to get sick, you will stay by there side. When you have children, it's a given.

Although you never say it out loud, you know in your heart that you will stay close by your children's side through any sickness they may have. Sure, they may have they occasional cold or gastro or even just a high temperature and you freak out. But I'm sure it's safe to say that if your child has a seizure, you will cry and shake and think the absolute worst.

This happened to me in November 2010. My 13 month old Harlyn had a seizure when I was around at a friends place. I freaked out, started shaking and crying. My dear friend, Caroline, had some brains and called the Ambulance straight away. Her temperatuer was only 38.6 degrees celcius but staying in the hospital for 3 days taught me that my daughter's body can not handle a fast spike in temperature.

Fast forward to this year. My second week of my new job I was called by the childcare and informed that Harper had a temp of 38.5. I panicked, remembering Harlyn's seizure and hoped Harper did not have the same fate. Luckily she didn't, however, whatever she had, she passed on to her sister. Harly has a regular bed and often climbs out of her bed and walks into our room and just climbs into our bed. Luckily, at midnight on the Friday morning, she came into our bed but unfortunately had a seizure. I woke to my daughter next to me, fitting, foaming at the mouth. Immediately I ripped off her pj's and called the ambulance. They came within minutes and I went to the hospital with her. Within 3 hours, we were able to go home. The doctors knew it was her second seizure (it's actually called a febrile convulsion) and because she was up and talking and laughing while she was in the ambulance, they allowed us to head home.

Last Saturday night (July 2012) I had a couple from work come around for dinner. Working for a wine company, we polished off quite a few bottles of wine. I noticed Harly was starting to feel quite warm so I gave her nurofen and kept her shirt off, then put her to bed. When she woke up at 7am she literally felt like a hot water bottle. I jumped out of bed (rather hung over), grabbed her and ran to the kitchen and got some nurofen into her. I was unfortunately too late. She started having another seizure. I grabbed some wet washers and put them over her and calmly called the ambo's. It was the same lady that came for her two weeks earlier. She remembered us and straight away said "this isn't normal, she should get tests done to see what's causing this"

Harlyn stopped fitting for about 5 seconds and went unconscious. We were told it was fine but as I went to pack a bag for the hospital, she started to have another seizure. They gave her a shot of something to try and stop it but she kept going. I started to panic at this stage. I picked her up and ran out to the ambulance, she was still going at this time. In the van on the way, they had to give her another injection in her leg. The siren was even on. I was full blown panicking at this stage.

When we got to the hospital, there were 5 doctors and nurses around her immediately. I was pushed to the side, which was fine, I just wanted her to be ok. They were putting an IV in her arm, taking bloods, giving her oxygen, trying to get her to wake up. It was really full on. She kept showing signs of more seizures but the injections they gave her helped stop them. The doctor checked her out and told me that she will need to have an anti-seizure medication through a drip over half an hour.

Even though we were in the hospital and around doctors and nurses, it was very hard for me. My baby girl was completely unresponsive. She wasn't waking up at all. For the staff, this is normal, they see this all the time. Not me. Seeing my first born baby like this was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever seen. I was sobbing by her bedside, holding her hand, just talking to her and letting her know that I was right there when she woke up. She didn't wake up for a very long time and it scared me! Even when she did wake up, she kept crying for me even though I was right next to her, she was looking around for me. It was like she didn't even recognise who I was. After a while she became responsive but still went the whole day without speaking. I just kept thinking 'what if the seizure has done something to her brain and she doesn't remember how to speak?'. I know I was thinking the worst but when Harly doesn't speak, I really wonder. She's such a chatterbox.

She's been on dilanton all week to stop seizures and has a temperature all week. Getting as high as 39.8 on a couple of occasions. She is a completely different child on the medication. Acts like she's drunk. I don't want to give her medication everyday of her life. Children don't come with a manual and I felt like I was doing a pretty good job until she had seizures. It is so hard to stay calm when the life that you created is unconscious on a hospital bed. Brett was my rock. He was amazeballs!

So even though we don't say it out loud, of course we take our children in sickness and in health. It's just something I never really thought about until I had to deal with it first hand. I would do anything for my children.

Harly, Harper & me

.hangin up the trackies.

In the last few weeks, I have been preparing to go back to work. I have signed up with a recruiting agency, have a daycare centre on standby and even been on an interview (fingers crossed I get it).  But it makes me scared and nervous. Does this mean that someone else will be raising my children? Will I be judged for putting my baby in daycare? 

I 100% respect working mums. They work so hard. Imagine working a 8-9 hour day, and all you want to do is go home, have a nice bath, eat dinner whenever you want, paint your toe nails, maybe apply a tan (that actually sounds familiar, pre-children), but you can’t. You have to then pick up your children from daycare, get home, get all children through the shower/bath, put pj’s on kids, get dinner ready, eat dinner (while watching home and away), make sure your kids eat their dinner, read a bedtime story to them and hopefully put them to bed at a reasonable hour. ALL OF THIS, BEFORE EVEN GETTING OUT OF YOUR WORK CLOTHES.

Yes, I will get a lunch break, a whole hour to myself. Jealous? And I will be able to do grocery shopping on my way to pick them up, by myself. I see all the benefits, I really do. But then I see the downside. I probably won’t be the first one to see Harper take her first steps, I don’t get to spend the whole day in my pyjama’s if I want to, if it’s raining, I can stay inside all day and not even do my hair! And most importantly, I don't get to spend ALL day with my babies. But we want to live a certain lifestyle and we want to give our daughters the best chance, and to live on the beach. I don’t want to be judged because I’m going back to work. Harper will be 8 months by the time I do start work, if I get the job. I see mothers go back to work after only 6 weeks! And I have nothing but the utmost respect for them.

I think putting babies/children into a good daycare instills routine into their life and kids thrive on that. I shouldn’t have to defend why I’m putting my girls into daycare but a lot of people (mainly strangers) give me a look of pity and say “ohhhh why?” then I say “Otherwise, we would have to sell one of the kids to be able to live” I don’t really say that, but wouldn’t it be funny?

I think that if anyone is thinking about going back to work, don’t feel guilty about it. Embrace it. You’ve been on a beautiful journey being pregnant, having the baby and looking after him/her for the best part, the beginning. It’s just time for a different journey. It is now time for me to hang up my daggy mum trackie pants and start earning some money. I’m happy and excited to start helping my husband out with the financial side of things. It excites me that we are starting a new chapter in our lives..

Harly, Harper & me x

.Balancing Act.

I don't know about any other Mum's but I just can't seem to balance everything. My kids need my attention, my husband needs my attention and then at the end of the day, where's my attention?

Take this morning for example: Harper wakes up for a feed at 5:30a.m. I should be thankful that she sleeps through the night, and I am, but the early starts are taking a toll on me. She's up, doesn't go back down and by 6, both Brett and Harly are also awake. I always put my needs last, which is what I agreed to do when I pushed these two little darlings out. So Harper finishes her bottle, Brett changes her then goes off for a surf. So I make myself a coffee. It's starting to become really cold in the mornings so I head up into the attic and grab the heater down. While telling Harly to leave her sister alone and also to not climb up the attic stairs! I get Harls out of her nappy and she goes to the toilet, then I put her undies on and dress her. I make Harly's breakfast and give it to her while she watches cartoons. By the way, I love TV. I don't let the girls watch all the time but in the mornings it is a God sent. And it also allows me to have a shower while Harper sleeps and Harly watches 'The Lion King' or something along those lines.

I sit on the floor and have a bit of a play with the girls. Lately, Harly thinks that Harper can play rough so she throws her about. Sometimes Harper even laughs but usually doesn't like it. We only play for about 20 minutes when Harly starts to really push Harper around. I tell her kindly to please stop a number of times before I send her to her room. When she comes out of her time-out I say "Please don't push your sister" to which she replies "I PUSH YOU" and she does. So back in her room for another 2 minutes!

Harper starts to get a bit grumpy on the floor so make her up a bowl of rice cereal with fruit puree. I also start my coffee. It's not even warm anymore :( I also make myself a bowl of muesli. I usually try to feed Harper and myself at the same time but she gets fed up with waiting that I just put my bowl to the side and keep feeding her. I drink my cold coffee. By this time, Harper's done like 3 poos and she's a bit snotty and tired so I put her in bed. She cries for about 10 minutes and puts herself to sleep. Harly has started asking for things "RIGHT NOW" so I have to deal with her attitude. And Brett's still enjoying his surf. It's only 9 a.m. I still have so much to do!

Harlyn is climbing all over me while I'm typing and wants morning tea already. I'm always needed by my children and that's fine because they can't do things for themselves yet. I clean up after everyone, including Brett and it's everyday! I just want a little break occasionally. And just sometimes, I wish I could just enjoy a hot cup of tea of coffee. Or be able to eat my breakfast, lunch or dinner in ONE go. I know it will be a while before I can enjoy these simple pleasures again but if you're pregnant or thinking of having kids, don't take those things for granted! I can't wait for Mothers Day next Sunday. I'm going to sleep in, have breakfast in bed! And not going to clean for the whole day!!

I also really respect working Mum's!! I can't imagine trying to get all of these things done plus pack their daycare bags, go and work an 8 hour day then without a break, unpack the daycare bags, clean up the house, cook dinner, bath kids and then have time to spend with your husband... I am really lucky and blessed that I can stay at home with the kids and take them to the park. It's not hard, it's just really time consuming. A lot of the time, I wish my house was a hell of a lot cleaner than what it is. I just need another one of me. Can someone please tell me when cloning becomes a real thing?

Harly, Harper & me x