.the hardest part.

I thought my first pregnancy was the hardest part.

Pretty sure after this photo, I had a 3 hour nap. It was so hard....

I want to go back in time and literally kick myself in the face AND vagina for even thinking it was hard. In my case, pregnancy was the easy part. Even pushing 3 human beings out of my delicate flower (and ripping it open) wasn't the hardest part.

The hardest part? 

Being kicked in the face or sworn at by those humans who ripped through my fucking vagina. THAT'S THE HARDEST PART. Bitch, I gave you life and this is how you repay me?

The hardest part? 

When you give yourself a timeout in fear that you will unleash that inner beast that you know you have inside.

The hardest part?

Saying goodbye to your old self. When you birth those babes, you magically receive a new identity and for some Mums (aka me, over here) it takes a while for you to let go of your old identity and accept your new one. 

Goodbye size 6 jeans. Goodbye life of the party.

The hardest part? 

Losing your own income to buy whatever the fuck you want. As much as it is quite normal, it's still debilitating having to ask my husband for money to buy myself a new top. And before anyone suggests that my husband gives me an allowance, no.... Just no. Don't even suggest it.

The hardest part?

Losing all freedom. From now on, it's not only yourself you have to look after; you now have a little alien looking bundle of crying and vomiting joy that needs your constant care. You are pretty much done with having any spontaneity, FOREVER. Even if you want to 'just pop out for milk', you can't if the baby's asleep; Golden rule: NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY. You can no longer just go on a date with your husband, you have to plan that shit 78 months ahead. And then the kids will probably get hand, foot and mouth disease and you have to cancel anyway. Oh and my favourite thing is trying to get somewhere on time: we fail, every time. 

The hardest part?

Looking in the mirror and realising that you've become one of 'those mums'. You know the ones. The mums who have given up on themselves, who have no time for themselves, who look like they bathe in vegemite and cream cheese. The mums who wear sweat pants on a daily basis and probably haven't showered in days. The mums who want to be beautiful for their husband but would rather catch up on the 8000 hours of sleep they have lost nursing a screaming newborn. 

The hardest part?

Mummy guilt. Too much time on Facebook, not a good enough dinner, not enough time spent playing with them, missing an award assembly, missing an open day, not enough money for a ski holiday. We feel guilty no matter what anyone says. We want to be the absolute best person we can be for our children and if we stuff up one little bit, we can't help but feel guilty. Mums, it's ok if you're not perfect; you're perfect in your children's eyes, and that is all that matters!

The hardest part? 

Putting yourself last. This is hard. The more children I had, the further back I would put my own wants and needs. I get absolutely everything else ready for everyone else in the mornings before even doing my morning shit. 

Even when I do get to take a dump, I'm usually braiding my daughters hair....

The hardest part? 

Being hungover. 

Oh dear lord baby Jesus. Have you ever been so hungover with 3 kids that you have to tell them you have a virus? Yeah, me either. I like totes don't even drink. Ever. Ok maybe I'm drunk right now.

The hardest part?

Wanting so desperately to go back to work just so you can have a break from your annoying children.... I'm in the process of applying for jobs. Let me tell you, I am so excited, I could wet my pants - I've had 3 kids though, so I just cough and I wet my pants.

The hardest part?

Remember when you had hobbies? Wasn't that fun....? Hobbies were so fun, weren't they? Not anymore. Your new hobbies include: changing nappies, being spewed or pooed on, shoving your cracked, bleeding nipple in your newborns mouth and NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN. Enjoy your new hobbies, because you'll never get to do your old ones again. 

The hardest part? 

Watching them grow up right before your eyes and knowing that one day they won't 'need' you.... Wahhhhhhh

You may read this and think 'oh stop complaining'.  Go fuck yourself. I can complain if I want..... Change is hard. End of story.

Peace and love to all, 

You, me + 3

On a scale of 1 to britney in 2007, how close are you to losing it?.

On a scale of 1 to Britney in 2007, how close are you to losing your shit?

At the end of 2014, I was level Britney in 2007.... For 19 months, I had 3 kids on my own, no preschool (long story); a husband who was new to real estate sales and worked 6 days; and let me tell you, it was fucked up. I was fucked up...

It all came to a halt at the end of last year when I had a panic attack in the shower. I thought I was dying from a heart attack. I started to blackout, I had a tight chest and was hyperventilating profusely.

Normally I wouldn't share this stuff, but I wanted to let other people (especially mums) know that it's ok to break down sometimes. Not britney style though, that shit's cray.

Being a Mum is the most overwhelming, most emotional job on the planet. Yes, we get to play at the park/go to the beach/sit at home on Facebook; but there is so much more to being a stay at home Mum. 

There are tantrums, tears, food thrown, no showers - and that's just me... The kids are far worse, I swear....

There are two things in this world that I can't handle:

1. When people tug/pull on my clothing.

2. Being pushed/shoved/kicked - especially when I'm sitting down.

 

I can't help it but I lose my shit when either of these things happen.

And guess what?

MY KIDS DO BOTH OF THESE THINGS 78 TIMES A DAY..... 7 DAYS A WEEK.

No wonder I lost my shit.

Every Mum is different though. We never know what will make us crack under pressure, until it happens. My problem was that I tried to be the strongest possible version of myself - and I failed. When people offered help, I denied it; when in actual fact, I needed it the most. The biggest lesson I've learned out of my little meltdown is that it's ok to accept help. 

Friends are like family and if like me, you don't family near you to help - friends are family. Accept their help and have a break.

Don't be a dickhead and try and do everything on your own. Count on the sisterhood! And if you see another Mum struggling, BE that sisterhood! Help each other, love each other and if you see a Mum on the verge of a breakdown, help her. 

I will never forget the time a random Mum helped me carry my screaming children to the car. I was on the verge of tears, everyone was staring and I had no control over the situation. I thanked her so much that we finally laughed together at how kids can be assholes.... I will never forget her. #sisterhood 

Help one another, love one another, be kind to one another. 

You never know what is going on in someone else's life. They could be on the edge of a breakdown.... 

Peace and love to all 

You, me + 3