.in sickness and in health.

On your wedding day you usually say a well known sentence - "in sickness and in health". We all know what it means and saying it out loud really affirms that if your partner were to get sick, you will stay by there side. When you have children, it's a given.

Although you never say it out loud, you know in your heart that you will stay close by your children's side through any sickness they may have. Sure, they may have they occasional cold or gastro or even just a high temperature and you freak out. But I'm sure it's safe to say that if your child has a seizure, you will cry and shake and think the absolute worst.

This happened to me in November 2010. My 13 month old Harlyn had a seizure when I was around at a friends place. I freaked out, started shaking and crying. My dear friend, Caroline, had some brains and called the Ambulance straight away. Her temperatuer was only 38.6 degrees celcius but staying in the hospital for 3 days taught me that my daughter's body can not handle a fast spike in temperature.

Fast forward to this year. My second week of my new job I was called by the childcare and informed that Harper had a temp of 38.5. I panicked, remembering Harlyn's seizure and hoped Harper did not have the same fate. Luckily she didn't, however, whatever she had, she passed on to her sister. Harly has a regular bed and often climbs out of her bed and walks into our room and just climbs into our bed. Luckily, at midnight on the Friday morning, she came into our bed but unfortunately had a seizure. I woke to my daughter next to me, fitting, foaming at the mouth. Immediately I ripped off her pj's and called the ambulance. They came within minutes and I went to the hospital with her. Within 3 hours, we were able to go home. The doctors knew it was her second seizure (it's actually called a febrile convulsion) and because she was up and talking and laughing while she was in the ambulance, they allowed us to head home.

Last Saturday night (July 2012) I had a couple from work come around for dinner. Working for a wine company, we polished off quite a few bottles of wine. I noticed Harly was starting to feel quite warm so I gave her nurofen and kept her shirt off, then put her to bed. When she woke up at 7am she literally felt like a hot water bottle. I jumped out of bed (rather hung over), grabbed her and ran to the kitchen and got some nurofen into her. I was unfortunately too late. She started having another seizure. I grabbed some wet washers and put them over her and calmly called the ambo's. It was the same lady that came for her two weeks earlier. She remembered us and straight away said "this isn't normal, she should get tests done to see what's causing this"

Harlyn stopped fitting for about 5 seconds and went unconscious. We were told it was fine but as I went to pack a bag for the hospital, she started to have another seizure. They gave her a shot of something to try and stop it but she kept going. I started to panic at this stage. I picked her up and ran out to the ambulance, she was still going at this time. In the van on the way, they had to give her another injection in her leg. The siren was even on. I was full blown panicking at this stage.

When we got to the hospital, there were 5 doctors and nurses around her immediately. I was pushed to the side, which was fine, I just wanted her to be ok. They were putting an IV in her arm, taking bloods, giving her oxygen, trying to get her to wake up. It was really full on. She kept showing signs of more seizures but the injections they gave her helped stop them. The doctor checked her out and told me that she will need to have an anti-seizure medication through a drip over half an hour.

Even though we were in the hospital and around doctors and nurses, it was very hard for me. My baby girl was completely unresponsive. She wasn't waking up at all. For the staff, this is normal, they see this all the time. Not me. Seeing my first born baby like this was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever seen. I was sobbing by her bedside, holding her hand, just talking to her and letting her know that I was right there when she woke up. She didn't wake up for a very long time and it scared me! Even when she did wake up, she kept crying for me even though I was right next to her, she was looking around for me. It was like she didn't even recognise who I was. After a while she became responsive but still went the whole day without speaking. I just kept thinking 'what if the seizure has done something to her brain and she doesn't remember how to speak?'. I know I was thinking the worst but when Harly doesn't speak, I really wonder. She's such a chatterbox.

She's been on dilanton all week to stop seizures and has a temperature all week. Getting as high as 39.8 on a couple of occasions. She is a completely different child on the medication. Acts like she's drunk. I don't want to give her medication everyday of her life. Children don't come with a manual and I felt like I was doing a pretty good job until she had seizures. It is so hard to stay calm when the life that you created is unconscious on a hospital bed. Brett was my rock. He was amazeballs!

So even though we don't say it out loud, of course we take our children in sickness and in health. It's just something I never really thought about until I had to deal with it first hand. I would do anything for my children.

Harly, Harper & me

.hangin up the trackies.

In the last few weeks, I have been preparing to go back to work. I have signed up with a recruiting agency, have a daycare centre on standby and even been on an interview (fingers crossed I get it).  But it makes me scared and nervous. Does this mean that someone else will be raising my children? Will I be judged for putting my baby in daycare? 

I 100% respect working mums. They work so hard. Imagine working a 8-9 hour day, and all you want to do is go home, have a nice bath, eat dinner whenever you want, paint your toe nails, maybe apply a tan (that actually sounds familiar, pre-children), but you can’t. You have to then pick up your children from daycare, get home, get all children through the shower/bath, put pj’s on kids, get dinner ready, eat dinner (while watching home and away), make sure your kids eat their dinner, read a bedtime story to them and hopefully put them to bed at a reasonable hour. ALL OF THIS, BEFORE EVEN GETTING OUT OF YOUR WORK CLOTHES.

Yes, I will get a lunch break, a whole hour to myself. Jealous? And I will be able to do grocery shopping on my way to pick them up, by myself. I see all the benefits, I really do. But then I see the downside. I probably won’t be the first one to see Harper take her first steps, I don’t get to spend the whole day in my pyjama’s if I want to, if it’s raining, I can stay inside all day and not even do my hair! And most importantly, I don't get to spend ALL day with my babies. But we want to live a certain lifestyle and we want to give our daughters the best chance, and to live on the beach. I don’t want to be judged because I’m going back to work. Harper will be 8 months by the time I do start work, if I get the job. I see mothers go back to work after only 6 weeks! And I have nothing but the utmost respect for them.

I think putting babies/children into a good daycare instills routine into their life and kids thrive on that. I shouldn’t have to defend why I’m putting my girls into daycare but a lot of people (mainly strangers) give me a look of pity and say “ohhhh why?” then I say “Otherwise, we would have to sell one of the kids to be able to live” I don’t really say that, but wouldn’t it be funny?

I think that if anyone is thinking about going back to work, don’t feel guilty about it. Embrace it. You’ve been on a beautiful journey being pregnant, having the baby and looking after him/her for the best part, the beginning. It’s just time for a different journey. It is now time for me to hang up my daggy mum trackie pants and start earning some money. I’m happy and excited to start helping my husband out with the financial side of things. It excites me that we are starting a new chapter in our lives..

Harly, Harper & me x

.Balancing Act.

I don't know about any other Mum's but I just can't seem to balance everything. My kids need my attention, my husband needs my attention and then at the end of the day, where's my attention?

Take this morning for example: Harper wakes up for a feed at 5:30a.m. I should be thankful that she sleeps through the night, and I am, but the early starts are taking a toll on me. She's up, doesn't go back down and by 6, both Brett and Harly are also awake. I always put my needs last, which is what I agreed to do when I pushed these two little darlings out. So Harper finishes her bottle, Brett changes her then goes off for a surf. So I make myself a coffee. It's starting to become really cold in the mornings so I head up into the attic and grab the heater down. While telling Harly to leave her sister alone and also to not climb up the attic stairs! I get Harls out of her nappy and she goes to the toilet, then I put her undies on and dress her. I make Harly's breakfast and give it to her while she watches cartoons. By the way, I love TV. I don't let the girls watch all the time but in the mornings it is a God sent. And it also allows me to have a shower while Harper sleeps and Harly watches 'The Lion King' or something along those lines.

I sit on the floor and have a bit of a play with the girls. Lately, Harly thinks that Harper can play rough so she throws her about. Sometimes Harper even laughs but usually doesn't like it. We only play for about 20 minutes when Harly starts to really push Harper around. I tell her kindly to please stop a number of times before I send her to her room. When she comes out of her time-out I say "Please don't push your sister" to which she replies "I PUSH YOU" and she does. So back in her room for another 2 minutes!

Harper starts to get a bit grumpy on the floor so make her up a bowl of rice cereal with fruit puree. I also start my coffee. It's not even warm anymore :( I also make myself a bowl of muesli. I usually try to feed Harper and myself at the same time but she gets fed up with waiting that I just put my bowl to the side and keep feeding her. I drink my cold coffee. By this time, Harper's done like 3 poos and she's a bit snotty and tired so I put her in bed. She cries for about 10 minutes and puts herself to sleep. Harly has started asking for things "RIGHT NOW" so I have to deal with her attitude. And Brett's still enjoying his surf. It's only 9 a.m. I still have so much to do!

Harlyn is climbing all over me while I'm typing and wants morning tea already. I'm always needed by my children and that's fine because they can't do things for themselves yet. I clean up after everyone, including Brett and it's everyday! I just want a little break occasionally. And just sometimes, I wish I could just enjoy a hot cup of tea of coffee. Or be able to eat my breakfast, lunch or dinner in ONE go. I know it will be a while before I can enjoy these simple pleasures again but if you're pregnant or thinking of having kids, don't take those things for granted! I can't wait for Mothers Day next Sunday. I'm going to sleep in, have breakfast in bed! And not going to clean for the whole day!!

I also really respect working Mum's!! I can't imagine trying to get all of these things done plus pack their daycare bags, go and work an 8 hour day then without a break, unpack the daycare bags, clean up the house, cook dinner, bath kids and then have time to spend with your husband... I am really lucky and blessed that I can stay at home with the kids and take them to the park. It's not hard, it's just really time consuming. A lot of the time, I wish my house was a hell of a lot cleaner than what it is. I just need another one of me. Can someone please tell me when cloning becomes a real thing?

Harly, Harper & me x

.travelling with TWO.

Everyone warned me about flying with a baby. So when I flew to Melbourne with Harlyn by myself, when she was 6 months, I was super nervous! But she slept and fed the whole way and didn't cry pretty much at all! I was so happy. Hearing about all these horror stories when the baby cries the whole way and everyone stares at you with hate in their eyes. I had flown with Harly either by myself or with my Husband about 3 times and each time was fine (apart from when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Harper and throwing up on the descent). I was a little nervous about flying with both of them and with Harper being only 10 weeks old, but there was 2 of us to look after them so I didn't even think twice about it. Oh how I was so wrong.

The flight there wasn't TOO bad. Harly did whinge a little bit when I had to go to the bathroom to change Harper, so I just took her with me too. I've heard a few people tell me that a baby is worse to fly with than a toddler. Seriously, do they not realise that a toddler will want to just get out of their seat and run around the entire time? And that is exactly what my 2 year old wanted to do. Lucky Harper is bottle fed so I passed that responsibility over to Brett and I had the hard one! It was hard enough to try and get her to put her seat belt ON let alone stay seated and KEEP it on. Every time I looked over to Brett, he had his eyes shut with head lent back and Harper asleep in his arms. I asked if he wanted to switch. He did not.

We flew with Qantas so we were fed. Bad mistake. Harly just wanted to throw food and drink around and spilling everything everywhere. And on the descent, I literally had to hold her down because she could easily get out of her seat belt. She pretty much screamed that whole time.

We stupidly thought that we could catch public transport home from the airport. However, a Qantas baggage handler broke my double pram so we could only put one child in there at a time. So we went over to the taxi queue to ask if they had cabs with baby seats. The taxi line attendant told us that we wouldn't need a seat for Harly and at 2 she could just sit in the back seat. We decided not to catch a cab. Then we decided to make the long journey home which is via train, ferry AND bus with a bus change over and a walk up the hill to our house. Needless to say, we did NOT think about how much of a challenge it would be. With the pram broken and only 1 child able to sit in it, I put Harper in the baby bjorn (lucky we had it) and Harly in the pram along with Brett's luggage, and I dragged my 18 kilo bag behind me.

I think the one thing that helped us not rip each others throats out, was that we mentally prepared ourselves when we were on the train. At the airport, when I spotted the pram was broken, we were already over it and we started yelling at each other but it was like a whole new experience once we hopped off that train. We actually started making jokes about it and laughing about the worst day of our lives so far.

Just as we were nearly home and thought the worst was over, it got worse. Our stupid bus driver slammed the breaks on while Brett was holding Harper and her head hit the seat in front quite hard. I don't think I've ever heard her scream and cry like that in her little life. I was beside myself, so upset and just overwhelmed by how our day had gone that I nearly started crying myself. But I had to be strong for my kids.

We had left Tasmania at 10:20am and we flnally got home at 5:30pm. And I still had to take Harper to the hospital just to get checked over because she was still crying. That was another 3 hours. She's obviously fine but the nurses were more concerned about Harper having eczema. So then I had to get all the info about that and it's really not that big a deal but after the day I had, I actually just cried in the car on the way home. Just so overwhelmed by it all. Just one bad thing after the other and it just got to be too much!

Point of the story. DON'T fly with 2 kids. 1 is fine and under the age of 2. Just be selfish and ask people to come to you ;-)

Harly, Harper & me x