.my poem shits all over yours - happy 6 years.

Dedicated to my beautiful husband whom puts up with my 78 different personalities

I love you more than money
I love you more than shoes
I love you much more than I love myself
Even much more than booze


You have put up with all my shit
Through thick and thin, you stayed
Even when I went from thin to thick
You still loved me because you always got laid


I love you more than you'll ever know
I may not always show it
I love all the cute nicknames you give me
like babe, boogie, dickhead and sugar tits


We were made for each other
Born half a world apart
You came to Australia not looking for love
You even stayed when you heard me fart


I never thought I'd find someone 
With the same wicked sense of humor
But you're more wicked than I
Not funnier, that is just a rumor


All in all, it's you I chose
Forever, I'll love you 
Again, I'll love you forever
Forever and always, I hope you do too


Happy 6th wedding anniversary to my favourite person in the whole wide world!!!

You, me + 3

.10 things you thought you'd never say.

The title kinda speaks for itself for this one. All of these phrases have actually been said (out loud) by myself or my husband:

1. Don't stab me with Elsa 

I am so sick of Frozen, but to be stabbed by the Ice (crack head) Queen herself was just insulting. I had to let it go - hey... see what I did there??

2. Don't pour wee on my back

My asshole son peed in a potty then well, you know, poured it on my back. 

3. Stop playing in your poo

I have had to say this more than once, can you believe it?

4. Don't put your butt on your sister

Also another one I have to repeat - what is wrong with these kids?

5. Don't laugh at your brothers willy

He may not care now, but he will. Trust me, they don't like it when you laugh (or point) 

6. Don't poke your brothers willy..

Really? 

7. Don't wipe your snot on my crotch.

Do you know how many times I have been in public and noticed the beautiful mucus stain right at my lady parts?

8. Leave my boobies alone (usually followed by) stop slapping my boobies

Just don't.

9. Don't bite my armpit.

I have no words

10. Don't poke my armpit with Olaf.

Fuck you Frozen!

I also can't wait to tell you all the things you thought you'd never hear....

sneak peak:

I can't wait for you to die Mummy so I can hang out with Daddy. Said by my darling bitch 5 year old :)

over and out!!

You, Me + 3