Exhibit A ^^^ my son, in a dress, inside the bunny hutch. What the fuck dude..?
At this present time, my girls are having a naked party (running around being annoying in the nuddy) but I obviously can't take a photo of that.... It's legit 3:30pm and I have cracked my first glass of red for the arvo - trust me, I thought it was already 5pm.
I did a phone interview for ABC radio today about breast fed babies having a higher IQ; I'm just watching my only breast fed child dribble on herself and I'm finding that study a little hard to believe...
Bottle fed babes aren't the sharpest tools in the shed either: My husband told me the other day that my middle bear put a pencil in her fanny and started swinging it around singing 'I've got a willy!'.... We don't expect that one to attend university; and my son headbutts walls. I think we'll just be happy if each of them graduate school.
Do you ever just watch your children running around in the nude, hitting each other with kitchen utensils and think 'where did I go terribly wrong'...?
...Yeah, me either.
Do you ever just watch your 3 year old holding a packet of tampons while saying 'What are these?'
You reply: you'll learn about that one day
And your 5 year old pipes up out of no where, saying: I'm gonna eat those when I'm 81. 😳 what the...?
Do you ever just catch the end of a conversation and think 'I don't even WANT to know'
Example: hearing general chit chat about eldest daughter feeling sick while I'm driving. Hearing 3 year old casually state 'maybe you hurt your willy'... *turns radio down to listen*
Ummmm what now?
I'm like 100% sure my eldest daughter has NO wang.
Do you ever just sit on Facebook all night because you're too exhausted (aka can't be bothered) with real life?
.... Yeah, me either
Do you ever hear your 5 year old talk like she's ALREADY A TEENAGER???!!!
'This Babychino is soooo delicious I can't even deal. It's so healthy'
Shut up! You're FIVE! Play with a barbie.
Do you ever start fooling around with your husband and you both fall asleep, only to wake up with your hand on his crotch and his hand clutching your butt?*
How awkward if you have...!?
Do you ever watch your kids dance to Red Foo like this?
They know all the words to 'Sexy and I know it'. They are 3 and 5. THREE and FIVE!
Do you ever have a girls night where you're all just drinking wine in your pj's, in your own homes, texting each other all night and laughing about how you're all messed up and your kids must honestly hate you...? Pretty much me. Every night. #drunktextingisfun
Do you ever wear the same clothes for like 24-48 hours? I have what us Mum's call a 'baby wipe shower' like every day.... But only get a REAL shower every second day; even then, it gets bombarded by my thousand children, smacking my butt while yelling 'fat booty, fat booty'. Lucky I want a fat booty, otherwise there'd be hell to pay.
Do you ever have to stick your hand down the toilet 5 times before 9am...??
3 shoes (thrown in one after the other while putting the other toilet shoes outside)
A kristoff doll
And my MOTHER FUCKING KEYS!!!!
Someone legitimately told me to put a pair of tongs in the bathroom..... I would have to just stick my hand in to get them out anyway.
But do you ever just love your children so much that you can't even imagine how you EVER lived without them?
You, me + 3
**disclaimer: I totally got my husbands permission to write about that.... I did, I swear. We both laughed about it in the morning, after we had sex in the shower.
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