.don't EVER grocery shop with kids.

Firstly, shoot yourself in the stomach, pull your appendix out (if you have one), drink snake venom and put a fork on your face. That would honestly be more enjoyable.

I usually do my grocery shopping online; I can control how much I spend, I can choose to have it delivered by smelly men who try to touch my children, or pick it up at a certain time. 

Obviously, I had a lapse of judgement today because for some reason, I thought I could do it with my asshole children. Luckily, one was at school; 2 kids while shopping isn't THAT bad, right? RIGHT!!??

So fucking wrong.

As soon as we arrived, my son decided to have a megaton tantrum because he - wait for it - wanted a balloon. FOR THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES. I gave him strawberries; he threw them at my face, at an old lady AND at the unsuspecting white shirt of an attractive male (sorry dude).

I forgot they just scream that they want ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. Pretty sure my 3 year old daughter screamed at me to buy her tampons because the box was pretty. I should have just bought them for her for Easter. Did I mention that I hate Easter...? 100% forgot that Easter eggs are everywhere and I am a scarce giver of chocolate in my house (have you ever had to look after 3 kids jacked up on sugar - FML)

Anyway, long story short, it was shit house, trying to stop my son throw all groceries out of the trolley while I try and put said groceries on the conveyer belt... Nightmare. Actually it wasn't that bad, I decided to ignore him 1 minute into our enjoyable experience, so some nice chap in line behind us started picking everything up for me. I was 'struggling' and 'flustered' and 'needed help', my high school drama teacher would have been very proud.

Oh and to top off my wonderful experience, I gave my eldest a tim tam when I picked her up from school. Worst mistake of my life; as I said, I'm a scarce chocolate giver. The sugar high sucks, but the come down is far worse than a crackhead on cocaine; they just want more. 

She asked for water - have you ever said 'we're just around the corner, just wait till we get home' to a kid (crackhead) jacked up on sugar (cocaine) ??

Yeah, that was fun. Apparently I'm stupid because I couldn't reach the water while I was driving a motor vehicle. I would have crashed: but none of that matters when a five year old wants water....! 

A feral beast inside of me was unleashed that afternoon and I cut sick on the yelling. I felt awful afterwards, she was so sad that I frightened her... Oops. 

The downside of being a parent.

Point of my story: don't grocery shop with kids unless you want to feel shit afterwards..

You, me + 3