For starters, it was at 4:45pm. Four: forty-five? Who has a dance at 4:45? Totally fucks up my arvo routine of sitting on my couch, doing sweet F.A (usually glass of wine and Facebook) then doing more cleaning in the 10 minutes before my husband gets home than I do all day.
It was 45 minutes long; which meant it was too short for me to go home in between; so I had to go with all 3 ratbag kids, because it was at FOUR : FORTY - FIVE and my husband was obviously WORKING, like a normal human being on a Thursday afternoon. How else are we supposed to afford my shopping addiction?
My kids seemed to be the only ones who found a dirty puddle and thought it may be the best idea they've EVER had to LAY DOWN IN IT!!! Oh yes, other kids did see it and some even had a little stomp in it; but my kids? They covered themselves HEAD TO TOE in muddy water. Do you think I bought spare clothes?
So my son was running around in a nappy, as happy as a pig in mud (literally). Now, this kid is fast! He is not yet 2 and he can legit vanish from your sight faster than you can say his name. I have a particular skill of watching him with one eye while having conversations with adults. I often look like I have Tourette's by jumping up and running full speed after my son, casually carry him back to where I'm seated and keep going with my conversation. This happened about 5 times within 10 minutes and I got a number of comments like 'oh he's fast' and 'but he was just here a second ago' YES I know!! This is why I DON'T GO PLACES!! As the disco was ending, more parents gravitated to collect their precious cargos..... Then, in the crowd, as I was watching him, he was gone. Looking around for a good minute or 2 before I run to a Dad and shout 'Koa's missing, help me!!'
Found the little fucker in the hall with all the school kids. Thinking 'that's cool, he was safe'. Wrong! My mate comes up to me and says 'do you know where he was?' I'm like 'yeah, found him in the hall, thanks for helping'
He says 'No, he was on top of the playground'
Oh you mean around the other side of the hall, right next to a FUCKING ROAD??
Cool beans
So yeah, it was fun....
The next day I lost my middle child...
At school again.
Whole grade of parents were searching.
They even mentioned her disappearance over the FUCKING PA SYSTEM
Guess where she was?
Same spot my son was 😑
FML
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