.expectations.

When you become a Mum there are so many expectations you may have of yourself/your children, but I bet they are not even close to what reality depicts. I thought I might help you out

10 things you should expect when becoming a parent:

• Expect your life to become all about housework.

This one I loathe the most, but if you don't do it, who will? Piss off if you say 'my cleaner'. 

• Expect to karate chop your child at least once a day.

It's not that hard kids, just sit your bloody car seat! Literally takes me 37 minutes to convince my 3 miniature life drainers to sit and be buckled in the car. (I have been locked out of my car a number of times during this process)

• Expect to give up trying to be as 'economical' or 'organic' the more children you have. 

Do you know how many loads of washing I do a day? Minimum = 3. I'm not hanging that shit out, folding it AND putting it away. Dreaming! I run a dryer all day and I'm not even ashamed. The environment won't die because I dry my fucking clothes.

• Expect to randomly want to smell your children and be overwhelmed at how amazing they smell even while covered in mud.

My children each have their own smell. And I'm addicted to each of them in a different way. 

Dammit he smells good.

• Expect to pretend to care what other people think about your parenting but then realise it's too exhausting.

This one took me too long to realise.

• Expect to never sit down.

Enjoy being able to eat a meal sitting down, while you can. I'm currently scoffing my dinner, standing (hiding) in the kitchen, downing a glass of red.

I must add that I could actually sit down but my glass of red always ends up with meat or animal poo in it and my son eats nearly half my food. I'm seriously getting an iron deficiency because he eats my food.

• Expect to be beaten up by your kids. 

It's usually not intentional but I have had a number of black eyes, a concussion 

and this week I am sporting a hideous gouge on my face!

• Expect to drink way more wine than you ever expected.

No comment 

• Expect your husband to not listen.

I could literally tell him that I pierced my own nipples this week and he wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

• Expect to watch Disney movies at 10pm because you're desperate for that one awake child to stop bitching and go to sleep...

^^^ this book did not work.

All in all, have no expectations so you'll never be upset. Best advice I have EVER received. Have no expectations and you'll be fine.

And make sure you're stocked up in wine.

You, me + 3