Maybe I thought my body would somehow morph into a bowl as soon as the chunky hideousness splashed my chest. I was wrong.
And then yes, I had to continue to drive with it in my lap......
And obviously, I was not wearing K-Mart today.. No, no, today I was wearing my favourite (fecking expensive) shirt and One Teaspoon jacket..... Why, son.... WHHHHYYYYY??? Not One Teaspoon!!!
What IS this motherly instint that kicks in to run to catch vomit/poo/a sneeze? I don't even know why I did it? They do NOT teach that at birthing classes. But I think they should - 'Who here will be having an epidural? Oh and for some stupid reason you'll run TOWARDS vomit/poo. Any questions?'
I even caught my sons vomit WHILE I WAS DRIVING!!! Whoever says that women are bad drivers, clearly don't have kids. I caught vomit! While driving! In a fucking bucket!
Actually, I think I'm a ninja. I also caught his vomit, in a bucket, in the dark - yes people IN THE DARK, in the middle of the night.... AND it was a litre of fluid. I was so proud that I yelled at my husband that I need light (obviously to prove how ninja I was) and as I was boasting, the kid let's out a final milky vom to bring me down a peg.
The worse part? I gave it to him #badmum
Actually, the worst part was when I was visiting my dear friend who is trying to get her life sorted to move interstate, and my son projectile vomited all over her son's room... Good luck with your move, here is a parting gift of fucking Gastro.
And now it's ripping through this household faster than my eldest ripped me a new one. And it is brutal. I'm talking on the kitchen floor, on the couch, on me, on the toys.
On the plus side - I am that feckin good at disinfecting now. I'm so thorough and fast that I could legitimately get a job disinfecting a contagious room in a hospital. Oh and I had an excuse to get rid of a hundred toys - bonus!
^^^ I should buy shares in Dettol
All in all, we always survive. Always look on the positive - no one has ended up in hospital and my house is so spotless that you could eat off the floor...
And by now, after 5 years, I'm so used to sickness in this household that I'm as calm as a cucumber (or are they cool? I'm that too). I kick sicknesses butt.
Gastro, GTFO!
You, me + 3
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