.how does she do it.

I often hear the statement 'I don't know how you do it' and I ALWAYS joke back 'I drink a lot of wine'. They often laugh, I laugh too, then (with a straight face) I say 'I'm not joking' - we laugh harder then I go home and cry into my bottle of Pinot because I'm actually not joking.

How do I do it?

1. My standards are like below zero.

When I had 1 child, I used to be complimented on how clean my house was. Granted, my place was tiny and took 3 minutes to clean but I took pride in my house. Now, my place constantly looks like we've been robbed; even though I'm ALWAYS FUCKING CLEANING!

2. I look like shit (and genuinely don't care)

When I was 20, I would wake up extra early just to do my hair and make up. Today, I snuck in 10 more minutes sleep and left the house looking like this

20 year old me would be mortified... Usually I do try to wear make up but I actually love going baby faced. I have a husband who loves me, who else would I be trying to impress? 

3. My housewife skills are usually a 1 or a 10 - there is no in between.

Today I can happily state that my housewife skills are level Martha Stewart (without the jail time). House is clean, fresh sheets are on kids beds, laundry is done and away (not lingering on the stairs) AND dinner was in the oven at 5pm. Mother fuckin Martha. 

Yesterday however: I had to apologise for the state of the house, husband had no clean underwear, and dinner was non existent. Housewife level was minus 7.

4. I make my husband iron his work shirts.

Sometimes, I do offer to iron it for him but to be honest, I can't be fucked! I do absolutely everything else for 3 other humans every morning that I usually run out of time to do a morning shit.

5. Wine. And lots of it.

It's no secret that I love wine. Red is my poison and if I have a much needed glass of Pinot whilst making dinner then I'm a much nicer person. When that warmth of a nice red hits your belly, you honestly believe you can fart unicorns. It's an amazing feeling and I will not apologise for it. I love wine.

6. I have accepted that I have no life.

I know my time will come. Sometimes yes, I am lonely and I am tired of having children conversations but one day, they'll all be at school (halle-fuckin-lujah) and I'll probably miss them. Or I'll be on a cruise drinking copius amounts of alcohol.

7. I have my tubes tied.

This gives me more delight than anything in the world - knowing I can't get pregnant. Every now and again I say out loud 'I want another baby' closely followed by 'that is why I have my tubes tied'. I could seriously have 10 babies; that euphoria of seeing a positive test result to seeing your baby for the first time, it's indescribable. And I will miss that feeling but I know in my heart that I will drive off a cliff if I fell pregnant again. 

8. I have never been happier.

Being a Mum is the hardest job I have ever done. But the joy and pride that my kids fill me with, is unimaginable. Sure they can be shit heads, but the good times far out weigh the bad. And that is what you should hold on to.

Peace and love to all 

You, me + 3